King Dragon

The dragon landed in the courtyard of the castle amid much commotion. "I have decided to wield my power with noble purpose," it bellowed. "Bring me your king. I will instruct him." The king arrived. "I will not take orders from—"

The dragon ate him in a bite. "Very well. I am now king. My first command—" Arrows and soldiers interrupted it. After the fracas, it told the remaining soldiers to spread the word of its ascension, and to gather the nobles and guild leaders for its instructions the next evening.

Turnout was disappointing. "Where are the rest?" demanded the dragon. Lord Bockhurst explained that many of the nobles had returned homes to marshall forces against the usurping monster. Guildmaster Averna explained that the guilds were open to the change in leadership but wanted to reestablish the basic obligations of the crown to its people.

Three hours of negotiations later, the dragon ate half the delegates and set the rest on fire.

"Maybe I am a metaphor for corrupt power after all," said the dragon. "Or possibly for greed," it said, as it tore into the kingdom's treasury and flew off, gold falling from its overloaded talons.

"Yeah. Probably greed."

Game Review: hets

I found hets, a minimalist run 'n' gun for the PC, initially very frustrating. The key layout didn't feel natural and I couldn't change it. Ten tries in, I realized it would be brilliant with a gamepad. I wound up loving it anyway as I grew accustomed to the controls. (It is, in fact, great with a gamepad, and probably easier. I'm going to stick with my hard-learned keyboard controls.) A mysterious stranger tells you the statues have made everything bad, gives you a rifle, and tells you to destroy the statues. You proceed to try. That's all the introduction you need, and it brilliantly teaches you the one lesson necessary to play: destroy all three statues to open the door to the next level. Then you're playing a game of 15 procedurally-generated closed levels that go from easy to dangerous to a massacre.

Sketchy illustrations that look like I could scribble them, simple music, and basic sounds feel like the sorts of things I could make, and I am not an artist, musician, or foley artist. They define the game's minimalist theme beautifully. I'd like to get the music on a loop and play it in the background while I work.

The procedurally-generated levels work well. I can count the number of unfinishable levels I found in 600+ games without using my toes, usually the gateway home on a platform out of reach by any path. Monsters vary wildly in difficulty, and as you proceed through the game, the mix and number of monsters increases, as does level size. The game includes great possibility for skill runs. A speed run is a given, but I can imagine trying to beat the game without shooting anything but the three statues on each level (and the boss).

Between levels, you return to the firearm-gifting stranger, who offers you one of three random powerups and then compliments, questions, or denigrates your choice. Some part of me wonders if there was an algorithm basing the statement on the relative value of one powerup to another, but I'm pretty sure it was as random as what powerups you are offered in the first place.

A full, victorious playthrough from start to finish can take upwards of fifteen minutes, but the game is challenging enough that it took me hours to reach the final level and end boss for the first time. hets became my go-to temporary distraction for a while, long enough that I wish it was on Steam so I could see how long I'd played. At a rough estimate, possibly as much as 50 hours. At the end, I could beat the game in five to six minutes, and most of my plays were nearly successful.

hets is currently pay-what-you-want over on itch.io. It definitely deserves reward, so head on over and drop a few bucks in the tip jar on your way out.

Metaphor of a Dragon

"What are you a metaphor for?" asked the knight. "What?" said the dragon.

"I want to know what our fight means. Am I combatting a symbol of human greed?"

The dragon sat. This knight was more interesting than the last dozen. It raised its head regally. "I am a metaphor for power."

"Great," said the knight. "Time for a manifestation of the struggle between goodness and corrupt power, then." He readied his shield.

"I said power," growled the dragon, "not corrupt power."

The knight lowered his guard. "You can't just be power. Power has no moral position, no agency. It's a tool, like..." he gestured, "...like this sword. I can use this to rob nobles, or to fight bandits. You, you clearly have agency, which implies a moral consequence to your actions. So...?"

The dragon lashed its tail back and forth, casting coins from its hoard every which way. "Then I am a metaphor for noble, righteous power."

"Really," said the knight. "You exact tribute from everyone weaker than you and give nothing back. Where's the nobility in using power like—" Dragon flame ended his question and his life.

"You have a point," said the dragon, "but you're really annoying."

Boston Legal Fanfic Number Two

"You can't seriously be defending this man," growled Denny Crane. "Is this one of those episodes where we disagree on morals, Denny?" asked Alan Shore. "Okay, I'll bite. Why not?"

"He shot a cop! Cops are the bastion of freedom in this country. They stop bad guys, they keep us safe. They have guns! They're the good guys, Alan. You don't get away with killing one of the good guys."

"Is it really so easy to tell who are the good guys and who the bad, these days? Police walk around too afraid to protect anyone other than themselves. You're my best friend. To me, you're one of the good guys. But what would you do if a cop stopped you on the street, made you get down on your knees, and you thought he was about to shoot you? What would you do if you really believed he was about to stop using that gun as a deterrent, as a symbol, and start using it as a gun?"

"He wouldn't dare! I'm Denny Crane."

"And you're right, Denny. I doubt any police officer would bother shooting you."

Denny looked up with fire in his eyes. "Why not? I'm dangerous!"

Game Review: Evoland

Evoland is an homage to the fantasy adventure games of the 80s and 90s. That's not just its style; it's the game's purpose. It imitates primary inspirations the Legend of Zelda and the Final Fantasy series and, in its central gimmick, Evoland changes the gameplay as you go to carry you through all those eras. Those updates are Evoland's main method of advancement and reward. While playing, the game upgrades you from 8-bit graphics to 16-bit, from grid-locked movement to free movement, and from 2D to isometric to 3D. Moving from area to area changes you from Zelda-style puzzle-and-slash to Final Fantasy-style JRPG.

The first (and so far, only) complete project by young developer Shiro Games, Evoland includes the puzzles and tools that you expect from a puzzle-slasher, the menu-based combat you expect from a JRPG, and the fetch quests and runaround NPC hunt you expect from both. The high point of the game is a series of puzzles solved by "traveling through time," shifting between 2D and 3D to navigate obstacles and unlock the way forward.

Originally built for and winner of LudumDare 24, you can still play the original offering (link seems to be down right now), and it is heartily entertaining.

Overall, the game is amusing, but it falls short of being a fully-realized game. An homage of this sort must also be a successful example of the genre, and while the creators clearly love the sources, they don't capture enough of what made those original games beautiful and fun. You could argue that they didn't have time to do so, focusing on the history and transition of the games instead, and you would probably be right.

But that leaves us here: Once the game stops providing frequent upgrades to the system, you see past the homage to how thin the game is beneath, and Evoland begins to feel like a journeyman project for the developer. It's a three-hour game that I'm satisfied to have bought for three dollars on sale, but I don't think I'd be as happy spending the ten dollars it's going for on Steam.

Boston Legal Fanfiction

Alan Shore stepped into the office. "I hear we have a murder case." "Alan," said Shirley Schmidt, "Just the person I needed. This is Jamal Jefferson. He allegedly shot a cop."

"Okay," said Alan. "Why does this interest me?" He looked at Jamal, who sat all closed up, staring at his feet. "What happened?" he asked.

"I shot him," said Jamal.

"Then we're going to lose," Alan said.

"—but it was self defense."

"Tell me more," said Alan.

"I was eating nuts, out of this brown bag, and the cop runs up and starts yelling at me to drop it, pointing his gun at me. I drop the damn nuts, y'know? He shouts 'til I get on my knees, but his gun's out and in my face and he's yelling at me to lie down." He paused. "I thought he was about to kill me, and I'd be one more black man killed by a cop who goes free."

"Tell him what happened next," said Shirley.

"I didn't want to die. I grabbed the gun, and next thing it goes off. And that's it."

"It's a long shot," said Alan. "But we have a case."

"Denny Crane," said Denny Crane.

Still Another Moving Day

"Thanks, everybody," said Anthony. "With all your help, this move can be over before noon. Let's load the truck!" He gestured Jenny aside. "I have some boxes upstairs I'd like to drive over separately. Help me pack the car?" "Sure thing," she said. They loaded up the boxes over an hour. "What are these things?" she asked.

"Just some hobby gear," he said. "You know."

They drove them to the new house before the moving van was half full. "Let's get these in," he said. He led her through the side door into the basement. "Right through here," he said, opening a heavy door in the far wall.

She stepped in. Dim lights revealed manacles on the wall, more hanging on chains from the ceiling, solid-looking rings bolted here and there, and coiled rope in the corner. She put down her box. "Okay, let's get this done."

"I was hoping you'd stay awhile," he said. She turned. He was a silhouette filling the doorway, rope in his gloved hands.

"Not my thing," she said.

"Oh." He straightened. "Sorry, I got that totally wrong." He hung up the rope. "Let's get the rest of this in, then."

"Sure thing," she said.